This week, I read something shockingly inspirational and it got me waxing philosophical.
Carlos Santana, the legendary guitarist and songwriter, opened up about having been sexually abused as a young boy.
The young Santana was repeatedly molested over a period of years by an American man who helped him cross the border from Tijuana. I was shocked and appalled when I learned this. I cannot imagine the trauma and agony Santana experienced, both at the horrid time and throughout the many years since.
But I was also shocked by what Santana has to say about it now, about his recovery and survival from these events. In the article linked above, he is quoted:
“I learned to look at everyone who ever went out of their way to hurt me, demean me or make me feel like less, like they’re 5 or 6 years old, and I’m able to look at them with understanding and compassion.”
I’m in awe of this grace. I would love to know how he came to learn this way of being. Recently, as I wrote about in my last newsletter, I’ve been working on trying to see the best in everyone. But I never thought to apply that ethos to something so fundamentally evil as what Santana experienced.
The music legend then proceeded to put to shame all my feeble attempts at living with grace and compassion. The L.A. Times reported:
“For example, this person who abused me sexually, instead of sending him to hell forever, I visualized him like a child, and behind him there was a lot of light,” he said in his People interview. “So I can send him to the light or send him to hell knowing that if I send him to hell, I’m going to go with him. But if I send him to the light, then I’m going to go with him also.”
This seems to me to be the way to live a good life, but how?
“It did happen to me. But if you open your hands, and you let it go, then you don’t feel that anymore.”
The purity and simplicity of this answer is beautiful.
I understand that Santana’s achievement is a rare one. How few of us could let something like that go? But the peace he has achieved by doing so is profound and it got me thinking about the “open hand” as a powerful metaphor for living.
The Fist
Before we talk about the Open Hand, let’s think about it’s opposite, the fist. The fist is all defense and aggression. It transforms the human body into a weapon to keep the world at bay.
Often, fists are necessary in this fallen world, but fists should never be normalized as our default setting.
I make a fist when my anxiety wells up inside me. I make a fist when I’m angry. I slam my fists onto tables when my anger becomes uncontrollable. This not only damages the world around me, it also hurts my hand.
The Power of the Open Hand
There seems to me to be at least three ways the open hand works as an aspirational way of living, an antidote against a world of flying fists.
1. Santana’s own example. So often, we diminish our lives by holding onto the pain that destroys us, keeping it alive. Sometimes we even come to depend on it; it’s what defines us. It’s who we become. And we allow it to deform us throughout our lives. Carlos Santana’s decision to “open his hands” and let his pain go was not just for the benefit of his accuser, but for himself as well. The open hand as a symbol of letting go of the weights that drag us down.
2. Generosity towards others. Santana also nods toward this. What is he describing but grace and generosity when he talks about the decision to see his abusers as frightened children, not just monsters? But generosity to others is a generally good thing to bring to the world, those who have hurt you and those who have not. The open hand as an offering of help and compassion to your neighbors.
3. The other symbolic function of the open hand has to do with humility. A humble person accepts help when they need it. An open hand can also signify this; that you are willing to accept the charity and service of others. This is one of the most difficult things for a person in the modern world to do. We so often gauge our value and worth on our independence, our ability to boot strap. An open hand is a signal that you need help sometimes.
That last point about opening one’s self up to the aid of others is something to work on. Think of it this way: we all think of generosity as a virtue, of course. But it only exists if someone is on the receiving end. When you open your hand to accept help, it is not only you who are being helped; you are giving others the chance to help you. We all valorize the people willing to help, but need to think more generously about the people willing to be helped.
Carlos Santana has given me a lot to think about. The open hand is a powerful symbol of how to live a meaningful, rich life.
powerful article, Danny! I needed to hear those words.